Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian is a phrase with an unexpected ending.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

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OUGH!

The wind was rough And cold and blough She kept her hands inside her mough. It chilled her through Her nose turned blough And still the squall the faster flough. And yet although There was no snough The weather was a cruel fough. It made her cough (Please do not Read more…

Stanley Unwinisms

Deep joy: Pleasing. Goodlilode: Good or excellent. Nockers (as in “I did nockers”): Not. Terribold: Terrible. Remarkibold: Remarkable. Horribold: Horrible. Falollop: Fall. Once a polly tito: Once upon a time. Thriftymost on your banky balancer: Very good value. Goodlibilode: Goodbye.

Bill-and-Ben speak

Flopperpop: Flowerpot Haddop: Hello Slogalog: Slowcoach Doomoddlestop: Oh Your Majesty Icklekickles: Icicles Ippop Weeb: Little Weed Clareklop: Scarecrow Waddle oo tikoo dop? Gloob a waddle a hop: What do you think of that? Gloves as well as a hat Nigloo Lawdlepop: Nigel Lawson Migly Fachoo: Margaret Thatcher Priddly Daidy: Princess Read more…