Q. Which dinosaur knows the most words?
A. A thesaurus
Q: What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate?
A: The noun declined
Q: Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
A: Pencils confused him — “2B or not 2B?”
Q: Which word becomes shorter after you add two letters to it?
A: Short
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end
Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause
Q: Why should you never date an apostrophe?
A: They’re too possessive
Q: What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses
Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labour and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?
She was having contractions.
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“To.”
“To who?”
“Actually, it’s to whom.”