BRAINS OF BRITAIN UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2) Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for ‘cherrypickers’ and ‘cheesemongers’? Contestant: Homosexuals. Jeremy Paxman: No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn’t my strong point. Jamie Theakston: There’s a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester.

BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don’t know. Stewart White: I’ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm. Stewart White: Correct. And if you’re not weak, you’re…? Contestant: Strong. Stewart White: Correct – and what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name? Contestant: Louis. Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy? Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don’t know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what – Prison or the Conservative Party? Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON) DJ Mark: For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE Bamber Gascoyne: What was Gandhi’s first name? Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM (Bristol) Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? Contestant: I don’t know, I wasn’t watching it then.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER) Phil: What’s 11 squared? Contestant: I don’t know. Phil: I’ll give you a clue. It’s two ones with a two in the middle. Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY Richard: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? Contestant: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY Richard: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er. … .. Richard: He makes bread . . . Contestant: Er .. ….. Richard: He makes cakes . . . Contestant: Kipling Street?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain.

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Question: What is the world’s largest continent? Contestant: The Pacific.

ROCK FM (PRESTON) Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci. Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918? Contestant: Magna Carta?

JAMES O’BRIEN SHOW (LBC) James O’Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth … ER. ER … Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL) Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Chris Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er …….. Mexico?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM’S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO) Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? Daryl Denham: (helpfully) It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel? Contestant: No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Phil Wood: What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er… … Phil Wood: It’s got two syllables … Kor… Contestant: Blimey? Phil Wood: Ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run… Contestant: (Silence) Phil Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I ran, yesterday I… Contestant: Walked?

THE VAULT Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time? Contestant: Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes? Contestant: Jewish. Presenter: That’s close enough.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2) Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play? Contestant: Jesus

Categories: Wordy humour

Skip to content