1. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
  2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  3. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
  4. Employ the vernacular.
  5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  8. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
  9. Foreign words and phrases aren’t apropos. Even if they are Lingua Franca.
  10. One should never generalise.
  11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations, tell me what you know.”
  12. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
  13. Don’t be redundant or overly verbose. Don’t use more words than necessary, it’s highly superfluous.
  14. Be more or less specific.
  15. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forward earth-shaking ideas.
  16. One word sentences? Eliminate!
  17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
  19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. Track them down until the cows turn blue in the face.
  21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
  22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
  23. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
  24. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
  25. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  26. No sentence fragments.
  27. Don’t use no double negatives.
  28. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
  29. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.
  30. Kill all exclamation points!!!
  31. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
  32. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
  33. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
  34. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  35. Avoid “buzz-words”; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.
  36. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Categories: Wordy humour

1 Comment

Marie Shallcross · October 13, 2011 at 9:38 am

love it :-}
(oops no Capital letter at the start)

Comments are closed.

Skip to content